Gang Bang Angels #5, 3/5 stars

Genre: straight, gangbang.

Yee Haw!

Ten guys, one girl, and a cowboy theme. How can you go wrong? The movie starts with the girl in her bedroom, fantasizing about being a dancer in the old west, and rolling around on her bed dramatically lit, talking dirty. This is a situation in which the "girl talking to the camera" opening scene actually works, because the whole movie is basically one long scene -- the suspense (as it were) has to start building somewhere. Now, if you decide to play "spot the anachronism" as a drinking game, you'll pass out well before she gets her dress off. Keep your eyes open for the cowboy with the pager.

There are chapter selections on the DVD, if you just can't wait through the teasing, the blowjob buffet, and the pussy eating parts of the movie to get to the gang-bang. However, the movie is fairly well-paced, and well-shot, and no one's that bad looking. More could have been done with the DP portion of the film; she just gets on top of one guy and the other nine take turns in her ass. It's just one variation. There's "making-of" footage over the credits, which wasn't a turn on, but was entertaining.

Condoms are not used in this film.

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The Tits that Saved XXX-mas (2/5 stars)

Genre: straight, plot, xmas.

Big Toys for Big Boys

Santa can't get his sleigh up unless Mrs. Claus gives up the magic. This silly holiday romp has four scenes, all man/woman, no anal. While the actresses are all fairly good looking, and the plot and acting are bad enough to be amusing, the "Christmassy" soundtrack playing through the entire movie is just too distracting. Maybe Santa would have an easier time getting his sleigh up if they stopped playing the muzak for a second. The real gem on this DVD is the bonus features. The "making of" reel is hysterical, and actually hotter than the movie. There are also interviews with the actresses, which is kind of cool. Condoms are used in one act.

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Yo, yo, yo (1/5 stars)

Genre: straight, plot, xmas.

Depressingly Bad
Ah, nothing's more christmasy than anal in a stable. Frankly, the one I feel sorriest for is the reindeer. Yes, there is a reindeer in this movie. The poor thing has to sit there through one of the longest, dullest man/woman scenes I've watched recently, including what may be the worst blowjob I've ever seen. There is a girl/girl scene, and anal, which is the only thing I can really say in favor of this movie. The very weak attempts at political humor are just depressing, and dated. (The movie was made in 1994) The Casiotone soundtrack and bad "video toaster" effects would have been better left out. I was fairly afraid of renting this one due to the title, but apart from the fact that all of the actors were black, race didn't come up in the movie (except of course for Santa's obligatory "Yo, yo, yo", which he seemed as embarrassed about as I was.) Condoms are not used in this film.

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The Devil in Miss Jones (1973). 3/5 Stars

As just a movie, it gets 2/5 stars, and as a porno, it probably still gets 2/5 stars. However, for successfully combining the two, I had to go up to 3/5. It's definitely entertaining, and I'm glad I watched it, but it's too psychological to really be "porn", and too shallow to be a "movie". It's about as good as the B-movie vampire flicks of the same era (1973). The movie most closely resembles an episode of the Twilight Zone, with a 40 minute sex scene thrown in the middle. Overall it's dark, creepy, and emotionally hollow. While Miss Jones seems to be enjoying herself, she never seems actually happy or fulfilled.

Sexually, we get a lot of variety. There's cock-sucking, girl/girl, anal, DP, and a couple of masturbation scenes. Aesthetically, the film is very much a product of it's time. The bodies, actors, costumes, and music are very 1973. If you're hooked on the current model of six-packed hairless men and gravity-defying breasts, you may find this film very unarousing. Still, if only for the historical content, I do recommend checking out this movie. But if you're on a self-date, you might want to rent a back-up plan.

Condoms are not used in this film.

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(edit: Sorry for the delay on this one - had a paper to write)

Bi Way 3 Way, 3/5 stars

Genre: bisexual, vignette

If you're looking for pretty, twinkish boys getting sandwiched between a musclebound top and women with realistic bodies, this is the movie for you. This film consists of three vignettes (2 outdoors) starring the same guy as top, but with different costars. The guys in the middle of the sandwich were all of roughly the same type, but one I wholeheartedly approve of, being young, lean, and pretty. The women were all more curvy than you see in most porn with about average acting skills and enthusiasm. However, as a whole, this was a pretty hot movie, and I was disappointed that it wasn't longer. What was in the movie was hot. What was missing: I would have liked to have seen both guys getting penetrated in a scene, there was not enough kissing between guys, and it seems like a DP would have been a natural extension.

Condoms are used in this film for anal, but not vaginal penetration, however they did have some trouble with condoms breaking (condoms break in the first two vignettes). The third scene they switch brands (or at least, the condom is a different color) and they don't seem to have that problem.

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New Wave Hookers #3, 4/5 stars

Genre: straight, plot

Science at its finest!
This is another silly installment in the Dark Brothers' series about music that turns women into slavering sex maniacs. It differs from NWH #2 in having a lot more girl/girl scenes and in the focus on feet and shoes. If I had a foot fetish, this movie would have gotten 5 stars. The actors and actresses are not as attractive as in the previous NWH movies, but the tongue-in-cheek humor is just as raunchy and silly as expected. The Dark Brothers experiment more with MTV-style editing in this picture, which is hit-or-miss; in some scenes, it's very sexy, and in others, it's dizzying and distracting. Still, overall this is a very sexy movie with a lot of laughs, great group scenes (including the mandatory NWH baby-oil initiation gang-bang), and nice oral, anal, and pussy action. One laugh-laugh-out loud scene has to be witnessed to be believed, because even describing it would be a spoiler. Definitely worth the rental.

Condoms are used in one act in this film.

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Sodomania Warning: Not for the Weak of Heart!, 3/5 stars

Genre: straight, vignettes

Porn with punchlines. This is a compilation of a few silly (and pretty hot) vignettes, with a couple of filler amateur scenes thrown in to pad out the length. The amateur scenes are ultimately skippable, being of the "guy holding the camera while getting laid" variety. Sound quality is also an issue in some of the scenes, as half of the dialogue is unintelligible due to careless use of directional microphones. Some of the dialogue is also not in English.

However, there's some very nicely done anal and amusing scenarios with comic twists. This movie does not have any of the shots of gaping open assholes, which I liked. This film isn't really bisexual* as there are no guy-on-guy moments in any of the scenes, but the scene with girls using toys on a guy is definitely sizzling and worth watching a second time. Only a couple of the actors are hot enough to be worth mentioning, but the overall enthusiasm level tends to make up for it.

I'd call this a good watch for people who are into anal, role-play, and who may be curious about men getting penetrated. Condoms are not used in this film.

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Double Impact #2, 3/5 stars

Genre: straight, vignettes

If you really get into the sound of women choking on cock, this may become one of your new favorites. There is a lot of drool-heavy cocksucking, and (too many?) shots of wide-open assholes. Four of the five scenes begin with the cameraman talking to the actress and encouraging her to tease the audience. (The middle scene starts with a conversation between the two guys and is just odd.) Someone must like this, because it's a popular device, but it's rarely done well. It was fairly dull here.

Overall, the movie wasn't bad. However, every scene felt like it was rushing to make sure it went through as many positions as possible, and didn't hold any of them long enough. The last of the five chapters is definitely the winner of the bunch, with Julie Robbins' enthusiasm making up for for some of the less-than-believable performances in previous chapters.

Condoms are not used in this film.

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Anal Dreams, 2/5 stars

Genre: straight, vignettes

This movie hardly deserves the first word of its title. Two of the six scenes had no anal at all, and another two had only brief anal. Nikky Blond (scene 4) was the highlight of the piece, as the only girl to really seem interested in what she was doing. The MMF scene (#5) was also fairly hot, and heavy on anal.

It seems that the word "dreams" in the title refers to the fact that the entire movie soundtrack is elevator jazz. You can not hear any of the sex sounds in any of the scenes, which I found to be a real problem. Also, all of the money shots are in slow-motion, which I found more amusing than anything else.

On the plus side, both the actors and actresses are very good looking (all the men fall in the bronzed, hairless, gym body type). The settings are varied and fairly attractive as well. If this were not billed as an anal flick, it would have gotten 3 stars, but I have to take off one for false advertising.

Condoms are not used in this film.


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New Wave Hookers #2, 5/5 stars

Genre: straight, plot
5/5 stars

This is a great campy, funny movie. Big 80's hair and costumes, the music isn't bad, and the filler scenes are laugh-out-loud funny. Also, and more to the point, the sex scenes are hot. The acting in the non-sexual parts of the film is about what you'd expect, but the enthusiasm is far above average in the sex scenes, which makes them hot.

Everyone in the movie is reasonably good looking, although there are no real stand-out beauties. There's not much repetition in the scenes either, and they manage to cover a bunch of different combinations, including a very nice gang scene.

It's the lovechild of low-budget sci-fi and high-budget porn, and I can't wait to see the next one in the franchise. Condoms are not used in this film.


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Fuck & Play, 2/5 stars

Genre: straight, vignettes

This was really dull. Six scenes, all in the same set (hell, the same chair) with the same theme. Girl masturbates with toy, gets off, guy comes and fucks her, comes on her face. 6 times. The camera work was shaky and uninspired. The girls were reasonably hot, the guys were average. There was only one scene with anal. No condoms were used at all. Frankly, the actors all looked stoned. The most interesting part in the whole thing was in scene 5 when you could hear a dog barking outside. I watched the "other titles from this producer" special feature, and it seems like Collateral Damage is just a production house to avoid in general.

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Yu-No #1: the spectacle of seduction. 2/5 stars

Genre: anime, straight

My experience with anime porn is fairly limited, but I've liked what I've seen. I found this disappointing. The feature was about 40 minutes long, with really only one "sex scene" in which you never saw one of the parties. There was a naked girl bouncing as if she were having sex, but you couldn't see who/what/if she was having sex with. The rest of the movie was panty shots and the occasional nipple. I like to watch animated penetration, so I found this very disappointing. The plot(?) was confusing and non-linear. I wonder how badly it was translated, or if it really was just that non-Western in its approach.

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