Monday, July 31, 2006

Club Inferno (3/5)

Mildly amusing
genre: straight, plot.

How do the average-looking guys in porn get to do the things that they do to the women they do them to? Obviously, they've made deals with the devil. That's the story behind "Club Inferno", and it's kinda cute -- although possibly not for the easily offended. The actresses are all very attractive, but the men range from "model" to "odd" -- and it's on purpose.

Club inferno has girl-on-guy rimming, toe-sucking, and double penetration. One thing I hadn't seen in any other film -- a guy rubbing his cock under a girl's blindfold. That was a new one on me. Note: all the threesomes are guy-guy-girl, except for a brief 3-girl scene which is quickly joined by 3 guys.

Condoms are not used in this film.
rent this film for yourself at

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Gang Bang Anals (1/5)

Straight, gang bang.

I only managed to get through about 20 minutes of this movie. It was that bad. I love gang bangs, but this was unwatchable. There were way too many cheesy video effects, the acting was terrible, and the actors weren't hot enough to make up the difference. Also, it was a humiliation/rape plot, and that's always a minus for me.

Don't bother.

Stiff Company (1/5)

Gay, compilation.

This is a compilation of scenes from various other movies, which wouldn't be too bad, but I hope these weren't the best they could come up with. I managed to watch 3 of the scenes, and I ended up wanting to fast forward through the sex and just watch the acting, which was bad even for porn. The main selling point (besides the fact that condoms are mostly used, which I like) is the cheesy porn dialogue which is above and beyond any contrived dialogue I've ever heard before. Camp heaven. Some of them were obviously memorized phonetically, as few of the actors seemed to be native english speakers.

All in all, don't bother.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Kansas City Trucking Co. (4/5 stars)

4/5 stars.
genre: gay.

This classic film was fantastic. I expected 1970's gay porn to be overwhelmed by bad fashion and moustaches, but I was delighted to find a variety of guys and looks, in a dreamlike, almost poetic, sensual story. It was great to see a porn where all the guys weren't exactly the same. Modern gay porn is too niched, and the viewer is forced to choose between slender, muscular, blond and smooth, dark and furry, and all the other shapes that men come in. This had a nice variety of believable guys in decent shape.

There's more JO and oral than fucking, which is fine by me, but may turn other people off. This is pre-condom.

Katsumi's Dirty Deeds (4/5 stars)

4/5 stars.
straight, plot.

This was a funny concept piece. Katsumi's opening masturbation scene is the hottest solo female scene I can remember watching this year. Then she falls asleep, and dreams of a nightmarish world run by a slightly deformed overlord who she, for no explained reason, is desperate to fuck. He then proceeds to put her through what look like exhausting trials to make sure she's good enough to fuck him.

It's sexy, it's silly, and Katsumi has serious star quality. Definitely worth the rental.

MonkeyView retiring

So, obviously, I'm not writing 2 reviews a week like I planned. Feeling like I HAD to write the reviews made me lose interest in porn. It was tragic.

Besides, I found a different hobby.

Thanks for reading.

Friday, March 31, 2006

Fetish: R U Human (5/5 Stars)

genre: straight (with some girl-on-girl), fetish (mild)

Dirt Smears are a Fetish?

This artcore film by Laurent Sky would be fantastic background for a party or nightclub, but is a little non-linear to sit down and watch. Once the movie gets going, it's almost entirely sex scenes, with little filler, but it's a bit slow to start. The settings and costumes were very attractive, although the lighting and editing occasionally detract from the actual sexual content. Some of the images are slightly disturbing, which might make it unacceptable to some viewers, although others might find this a selling point. Although most of the actresses had typical porn bodies, there were a couple women who were bigger than usually seen in porn, and that was a welcome change.

The sexual acts featured, however, are fairly standard. The fetish content is mostly apparent in the costumes and setting, which is nightclub-mimicking-warehouse style. There's a touch of voyeurism and a little medical fetish in the final scene. There's also a repeated image of a man using a penis pump, but that's not an actual scene. It's very reminiscent of a music video. The biggest complaint about this film (which is strictly a matter of taste) is that the music overwhelms the sex sounds -- in fact, in many scenes, the actual sounds of sex are not playing at all. However, the music (dance/industrial) is not bad, if a bit repetitive.

It's a really well produced and beautiful film, which would be great to have on in the background, but not recommended for an evening of quality alone time.

Condoms are used for some acts in this film, but it's not consistent.

Rent this film for yourself at

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Fashionistas (Disc 2 of 2), 5/5 stars

Genre: Straight, Fetish (mild).

Rubber Baby Bugger Humpers

High-budget porn like Fashionistas is rare, beautiful, and should be encouraged at every opportunity. The film quality and editing are well done and sexy. There are a few interesting lighting effects, but nothing so aggressively "artistic" as to detract from the main point of an adult film -- which is to arouse. The pacing and balance between "story" scenes and sex scenes is also well done, and the sex scenes do actually relate to the plot, which is a nice touch. The acting is a little wooden, but compared to standard porn acting, these are Oscar-worthy performances.

When it comes down to it, though, Fashionistas is about the clothes, just like the title would suggest. The fetish fashions that this movie features include rubber masks, lots of latex, and even a pony-girl. The settings are creative and varied as well. However, the fetish is light enough in this movie to be enjoyable by most people, and not just fetish enthusiasts. There's some spanking, a little flogging, and a few other toys get cameos, but most of the scenes involve traditional oral, vaginal, or anal penetration, including some of the most impressive deep-throating I've seen recently. Belladonna is impressive (as a performer and athlete) in every scene she appears in. One odd thing -- there was no all-girl sex scenes (on this disc).

This was disc 2 of 2, and although I haven't seen the first disc yet, the plot is not complex enough for this to be a serious problem. Based on having seen this half, I'd recommend either half to anyone who didn't actually have an aversion to latex.

However, despite all the other latex, no condoms are evident in any scene in this film.

Rent this film for yourself at

Monday, February 13, 2006

Buck's Beaver (1/5 stars)

Genre: Transexual, bisexual.

Adult Edutainment

The cable-access production values are probably the biggest downside to this film. This is a collection of 4 scenes, with an interview with Buck cut in between. The hardest part for me was accepting that Buck was very aware of his target audience and their probable lack of experience with transsexual men. The film felt, to me, like it spent too much time explaining Buck's body, and not enough time enjoying it. It really is quite a great body, although I'm not generally into people as heavily tattooed as Buck Angel.

For good points, this movie had Buck fucking both men and women, and being fucked by both men and women. A couple of the scenes were roleplayed with "plots" (Buck calls a hooker, Buck-the-security-guard and a male captive), one dom/sub scene and one scene was just Buck getting fucked. I liked that lube was shown being used in all the scenes and that Buck frequently checked in to make sure his costars were okay and enjoying themselves.

I don't think it's intentional, but Buck wears clothes with very prominent branding; it felt like product placement. Sadly, this film was not much of a turn-on for me, but I definitely recommend it as a watch-oncer for most people.

Condoms were used not only for penis-vagina sex, but also for penis-oral. (No protection was used for oral-vaginal contact.)
Rent this film for yourself at

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Semen Demons (#1): 2/5 stars

Genre: straight, wannabe alternative.

Semen Dementia

Once again, we have a "behind the scenes" segment that is significantly better and hotter than the actual feature. Goth makeup and costumes seem to have been done by people who have never seen the inside of a goth club, but may have heard one described once.

Overall, during the feature, the girls look supremely disinterested. However, during the "behind the scenes" segment, they actually seem to be enjoying themselves. This is one of those "disembodied cock" movies; you rarely see any of the actor's faces during the feature. Most of the scenes start with a overly dramatic monologue in theme by the actress "Cock is life; life is cock" and so on.

The only real redeeming scene is the last one, with one of the most impressive female squirters I've ever seen on film, who repeatedly douses herself, the set, the camera, and both the other performers. That scene alone raised the rating of this movie from one star to two.

Not surprisingly, given the title, condoms are not used in this film.
Rent this film for yourself at